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Things (sort of) sorted out.

May 16th, 2007 at 05:45 am

Well. As many had suggested, long talk wtih BF did ensue, and then ensued again. I even had him talk with my boss (heh. We're really good friends, this isn't as out of the ordinary as some might think). Basically, he says that he has talked to his friends, and he's decided that driving isn't the best option to take, and we're going to fly out for only one week. I tell him to do whatever it is that he wants, because I'm planning a vacation of my own. Then he gets all defensive and tells me that he wants me to be a part of it yadda yadda yadda. I tell him whatever, just let me know and he can string me along (with heavy sarcasm, of course). I felt awful all day, taken for granted (as another pointed out), and basically was asking myself if it's really the right point in my life to be putting someone else's needs before mine. I'm still young! I should be doing what I want!

So come later tonight, after a long (awful) work shift. My co-worker asks me for the dates I'll be gone because she may be filling in for me and it's good info to have. Well, I tell her the two weeks we've been shooting for. When I tell BF he gets all flustered and says things about people still getting together when they're going to be able to go and this and that and I basically bite his head off because it's so awfully NOT courteous to be waiting this long to tell work, and he can shove it up his @$$ because I needed the dates. Now. This is when the argument started for the second time today, and that's when I put him on the phone with my boss, because I didn't feel it should be my responsibility to explain the situation. Luckily, my boss is a very cool and flexible guy who happens to be buddies with my boyfriend as well as myself. He's willing to work with us, which further "proves that I am the only one who is really bothered by the dates not being set in stone." Well, yeah. I'm one of the few, but really, does it matter if it's just me or me and a thousand others? I think not.

So. More argument ensued on the way home, and basically I told him that it's too young for me to put his needs before my own, I have, afterall, just become able to put my own first. When I lived at home, I had to do what my parents told me. Now that I live with him, even if he doesn't flat out tell me, I take his word like it's my parents, and I dont. He pointed out that this is my decision, and I said yes, it is, and I'm going to change it.

He suggested to not worry about California, and to plan a vacation for just the two of us during the weeks I had told my co-worker, and I told him I wanted to spend one of the two weeks at home with my parents for the 4th of July. He said he wanted to go to Missouri one of the weeks >_< . Basically I suggested that maybe we take separate vacations. Especially after he mentioned he needed time away from me. I agreed. I do want to spend the 4th with him. He was in Missouri last year, so I didn't get to watch the fireworks with him. Maybe I dont though. Maybe I want the fun weekend with my mom and best girlfriend. Who knows. I basically need to decide what it is that I want. It just stinks that I have to do it in a month or so. Ugh.

Let me say that I do not plan to break up with him. He's a really great guy and loves me very much. I really think I need to take our relationship differently, however. He is not my mom. I need to stop treating him that way. If I want to go study abroad, I will (and plan to). I'm tired of limiting myself. I feel like I've been untrue to myself. He's the one that got me to stand up to my parents, and it seems I've just got someone else to stand up to now.

I dont even know where I want to go, as I really only ever want to go to Europe. We decided on California because we wanted to take a roadtrip and we knew people throughout the country. I'm not sure I even want to go now, especially considering all the fuss the trip has brought on. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a better idea, or at least be able to think things through a little better. I'm so tired. Work was long and I haven't had a day off since last thursday. I'm overdue. Perhaps some online research will be done with a fresh start in the morning. Yeah, that sounds good. Later then.

4 Responses to “Things (sort of) sorted out.”

  1. reflectionite Says:
    1179301973

    i have just been reading little bits of your blog and just thought i woould say hello and let you know it's really interesting to read because i'm around the same age as you and you're probably the first person i've come across that's close to my age, it's actually a little bit exciting!
    anyway. just wanted to say hi Smile

  2. Broken Arrow Says:
    1179322124

    You have my sympathies.

    Even though this doesn't seem like a big deal, I think it is. Well, planning where to go and who to go with isn't a big deal. The big deal lies in the fact that I think his priorities are misplaced. He's not thinking "Us". He's thinking "Me"... and I don't think that's healthy in a relationship.

    Still, the fact that he's willing to compromise is a very good sign. So, things are far from bleak. I hope that you will keep talking to him and work out these issues, and I hope that you two will end up with a happy road trip. Smile

  3. monkeymama Says:
    1179324475

    "He's the one that got me to stand up to my parents, and it seems I've just got someone else to stand up to now. "

    I think that is an interesting line. Maybe you replaced him somewhat in your parents role. But it is good you realize if that is the case.

    I still think a lot of it at this point just comes to youth, and I don't think there are many on this board near your age range. All these kind of things are still fresh in my head from my 20s - seems normal young person stuff.

    Oh but good for you on going abroad. If I had really been able to go I don't think the fact dh was going to be miserable was going to stop me. The time was much better then, than now with kids and more responsibilities, etc. You're young and he'll survive. Wink

  4. lieweheksie Says:
    1179335463

    You go Girl
    A lot us are older than you, and much of the advice may be more not WHAT I did but what I WISH I had done- I wish I had not placed other people's opinions ideas, plans above my own- 18 years on I dont even know half of them anymore
    2 people can love each other very much, have a fantastic relationship and still choose to spend time- not apart- but doing waht they enjoy and if that means apart you'll survive
    Good luck

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