It seems bad news doesn't stop coming my way! So here's the deal...
My best friend from high school is getting married in July. We've grown apart due to the distance and the busy-ness our lives lead post graduation and all that fun stuff. She's marrying my other dear friend that I introduced her to a couple years ago. So.
She asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was excited, she lead me through the selection process of dresses, etc. Her cousin was supposed to be one too, but she said that she had to bail due to insufficient cost to buy the dress ($63 didn't seem all that much to me...), etc. Whatever. So I haven't ordered my dress yet, I need to get my measurements as I have to order it online and I really dont feel like paying for tailoring.
I get a call tonight from my friend. She asked me if I ordered the dress yet, and I told her I was ordering it this week. Then she told me very apologetically that her cousin came up with the money and wanted to participate and she really thought that her cousin should be in the wedding and would it be okay if I stepped out so that her cousin could be a bridesmaid?
Of course I told her no problem, it's cool, no big deal, that's fine, etc, etc, etc. After I got off the phone, I started crying. My best friend from high school, the one I giggled with the first time we got drunk, when we went to prom together, the million concerts we moshed in, confiding in one another when we had relationship problems, scooping the first time we each lost our virginity, nights of watching Johnny Depp movies, or chick flicks, or making mixed tapes, or dancing around to silly 80's songs and singing into wooden spoons, choosing majors, staying at eachothers houses when family problems arose, taking her home from school every single day senior year, visiting on Christmas. I went to see this girl twice a day (the only visiting hours available) for the 2 weeks she was in ICU (a super rare something or other I dont even want to get into). I cried my eyes out and promised her any vital organ she ever needed. Ever. If it meant she'd get better, because she was the best thing that ever happened to me. And she was.
If it wasn't for me, she would have never met her fiance. And it isn't like I dislike her cousin, and it's not that I think she's being malicious. I'm just really hurt that I wont be up there when she ties the knot. Afterall, I was there the rest of the time. All the milestones, I was there. I'll still be at the wedding, but I'll be in the "pretty good friends" section, not the "Absolutely-inseparable-totally-best-friends-forever" section 
There's a girl my friend didn't even ask to be a bridesmaid that is one. My friend was one in her wedding, so she invited herself to be one in my friends'. My friend told me she didn't even want her to be a bridesmaid, but felt obligated, especially after this girl assumed... Still, I'm the one that's been ousted. I dont want to be angry, and I dont want to be catty, it's just so hard to not get upset and pissed, because what the hell? What do I mean to her anymore? It's enough that she blows me off when I try to hang out with her the few times I'm in town, but really. I never doubted that she would be in the running for my wedding, and I would never invite someone to be a bridesmaid and then take it back. Personally, I find it rude.
I plan to say something, I just want to cool down first. I'm not out to hurt anyone, regardless of what's been done to me. I just wish she would have thought about how I would feel. Of course it was convenient for me to be the one to step down, I hadn't ordered my dress. But what's really important here? I'm just not sure anymore.
Quite a Bit Burnt... and hurt!
May 21st, 2007 at 02:56 am
May 21st, 2007 at 06:13 am 1179728031
My best friend from age 4 through age 20 did not even come to my wedding. She was supposed to have been my maid of honor, but decided the week we chose 8 months in advance was an inconvenient week for her to come as it was her Spring Break from graduate school and she wanted to go on a vacation instead. She didn't have anything planned just vaguely wanted to go on a trip and ended up not going anywhere anyway, including to my wedding, even though she was still invited. We never recovered from that. Best friends do stupid things all the time. How you handle this will determine if the relationship survives or falters.
May 21st, 2007 at 01:00 pm 1179752413
May 21st, 2007 at 02:11 pm 1179756671
Just another perspective. I can't say though exactly what she is thinking. & she probably doesn't have a clue how you feel either, you can't blame her for not reading your mind, she is knee-deep in wedding plans. Plus with the cousin she may have family pressure too, etc. What kind of waves would it make in her family to boot the cousin, and does she value family peace? Just trying to share you her possible point of view.
All that being said it was crummy how she invited you and then disinvited you.
May 21st, 2007 at 04:53 pm 1179766385
May 21st, 2007 at 05:19 pm 1179767946
It sounds like she is doing a lot of stuff out of obligation( like the other bridesmaid)- and is maybe not yet strong enough( or old enough :-)) to be able to set her own terms
weddings have a way of becoming about everybody but the bride and groom- MiL's, Moms and the rest of the family( both sides) all want their say
maybe you could do something special for both of them at the reception as they are both your friends
I would also be very upset but would still go- but do let her know how you feel then it's up to her what she does with that
May 21st, 2007 at 08:24 pm 1179779058
We were supposed to be each other's bridesmaids, at least that's what we wrote in each others' yearbooks, friends for life and all that stuff, but we went our separate ways and she got married without trying to track me down.
Just go and enjoy the wedding and be happy for her.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:16 pm 1179789395
It would be a lovely wedding gift to her not to make her feel bad about this decision.
May 22nd, 2007 at 02:12 pm 1179843168
Perhaps it's odd coming from a guy, but that'd probably hurt my feelings too. Er, not being a bridesmaid or anything
June 13th, 2007 at 05:40 am 1181713209
Your friend is probably so tied in knots with plans and is being jerked around by two families (hers and his), and who knows what additional convoluted connection that should- be- disinvited cousin bridesmaid has in the family... Your friend trusted you to be the one person who would understand and forgive her if she had to alter the plans. You were her escape hatch, which in a strange way shows what an intimate bond you have with her.
Go and enjoy yourself. The "view" of the wedding is often better from the good friend position rather than the best friends like family position.