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More relationship stuff.

January 7th, 2010 at 01:51 pm

So I've managed not to spend any money all week so far Smile The roomies were nice enough to buy me dinner the other night, and the ex bought my coffee last night when we got together. It was the first time I saw him since the breakup (yes, I've had quite a few of them in the last month...)

Actually, the situation is as follows: BF goes to iraq, and we struggle for months prior to his departure, during his tour, and we break up back in July. I come home from basic, we try to work it out, but every time he cant make a commitment. I decide to move on, and within weeks find this really great guy. Despite the fact I told myself I would be single for a while, I allow myself to rush into things with this guy.

So fast forward a couple months, and Army boy is coming home. Turbulence starts in my now-relationship because the "what if's" surface, and I drive myself crazy. I end up splitting with the guy I'm seeing and start talking to Army boy. The first few days he's back things are right back to normal, and he talks like things are going to be just normal. We decide not to throw a formal title on anything, but be ourselves together.

Over the next couple weeks things cool off between us substantially, as he's started to hold back from me. The more he pushes me away, the more I harden up and stop caring. Survival mode, I call it. I dont want to get hurt again. Finally, I decide that if he's not going to put everything into it, and expect me to stick around without him putting any commitment to it, I'm out. I think I deserve to love someone who actually wants to give and not just take.

I decided that I'm not going to allow myself to be a guarded, hardened individual. I'm a very passionate, loving person, and I'm not going to compromise that to wait for him. He wasn't particularly happy to hear about that. But we've decided to just be friends.

So here I am, single for real, and for the first time in almost 5 years... it feels strange. I'm moving on from Army boy. He really is the love of my life, but that's 3 times we've run into the same problem. I need some time to work on me and reevaluate what it is I want in a relationship.

So the kid I left in this whole process and I got together last night, and it went really well. We talked for a while about what happened, and thankfully there are no hard feelings. He understands I had to do what I did. I had absolutely no closure while Army boy was in Iraq. So again, I have another friend. I miss this guy a lot. We spent a lot of time together, and we had a lot of fun. I'm happy to have him back in my life.

There was zero talk of us getting back together. I was happy about that. I could certainly see us trying things out again in the future, but for now that's not what I need. I need some time for me. So we'll see how things go.

Army boy is being decidedly immature about everything, but I'm sure he'll cool off in a week or so. Just goes to show... I dont want to be with a 12 year old in a 27 year old's body! lol.

So here I am, starting off 2010 with a fresh new start. I've decided I'm done with breakups for a while. lol. Too many of those in the last month... So cheers to those of us standing up for ourselves (my mom recently did the same), and doing what's best for us Smile

Hope everyone has a great day!

3 Responses to “More relationship stuff.”

  1. momcents Says:
    1262873160


    Well done! I am sure that it isn't easy to be "single" after all these years, but you're wise enough and mature enough to figure out what is in your best interest. Good luck to you in 2010!

  2. creditcardfree Says:
    1262881153

    Good luck! Deployment messes with emotions and relationships. I'm married, and expect to make it through this next deployment, but it puts some unusual strains on a relationship. In your case, two of you had to ship out! ((Hugs))

  3. monkeymama Says:
    1262897036

    Good Luck!

    Starting a new relationship is always hard as you deal with old/ending relationships.

    I broke up with my highschool sweetheart, pretty finally, just DAYS before I met my spouse. I am quite sure most of my friends and family rolled their eyes and figured this was very "rebound" behavior. The funny thing was I was looking forward to veing very single. (We had "broken up" with the military long distance and I had dated others in between. IT was just always ackward and difficult with my heart somewhere else). Then all of a sudden - there was the *one.* Who I was engaged to within weeks. (I wouldn't believed it if you told me - that I would be ready to settle down with someone else almost immediately).

    Looking back - not sure our relationship would have worked though if I met him a few days sooner. I needed to sever my old relationship to move on. Just funny how these things work out, sometimes.

    I suppose your post brings back memories, for me. I think it's great to do what is best for YOU!

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