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Credit Score and Family Stuff

November 8th, 2012 at 06:31 pm

So I know you're supposed to look at your credit score once a year and all that, but it's been a while for me... I decided to see what was up, and was very happy with it at a 773.

It makes me relieved and happy that I'm in a place where I can keep up with my payments and not get into a rut. I talked to my mom today, and it always reminds me of where I could be. She filed bankruptcy last year and struggles to keep a job. I feel like every time I talk to her she's either got a new one or is looking for another. I understand the limitations a person has when they don't have a college degree, and she may hate her job, but I can't see how jumping around like that would do her any favors in finding a good job. It's really unfortunate.

She struggles to keep up with her bills, too, because she moved into an apartment with my sister which is nice, but in my opinion far above her budget with the level of debt she's been wrestling with. It doesn't help that my brother moved in over a year ago, and is a deadbeat that is no longer receiving unemployment and for whatever reason cant seem to tear himself away from his videogames long enough to find a job- though apparently he "submits five applications a day." Please. Still kicks up a fuss when mom asks him to clean anything while she's the only person in the house with any amount of income and covers his cost of living.

It floors me that he feels so entitled to act like that. I really think she needs to kick him out. As much as I love my brother, he's one of those people that just wont do anything with his life unless life kicks him in the ass. He needs some sort of existential crisis here soon, or he's going to be a loser the rest of his days.

I hate to be a downer, but my family is something I constantly struggle with. I've managed (unintentionally) to distance myself from them for a while now. I hate going to family get togethers. I love my mom, but can generally only withstand the same narrative three times in a row-- which means I can only spend about an hour and a half with her at a time before I start getting stir crazy.

I've found it important to surround myself with the people that inspire me. While my mom has been an incredibly strong person, with all odds stacked against her, I've found the patterns she still clings to these days to be mildly depressing and the same patterns I've managed to break away from. How do you balance the need to be off in an environment where you can actually flourish with the guilt of wanting to be there for your family and the anger you feel because you just want to do well for yourself?

It saddens me that I'm not terribly close with my family. During the holidays it always gets worse, and mom makes me feel increasingly guilty as I attempt to spend less time with them and more time with the BF and his family. The fact is, I just don't really relate with the people I grew up around much these days... and it makes it painful and awkward to be around at times.

I guess this is one of those issues you run into as a maturing adult who is really coming into being the person their going to be, but it certainly isn't an easy place to be in emotionally. It's strange being in a family where you don't necessarily feel like you belong. It leaves you kind of placeless and unrooted.

My mom loves and misses me terribly, but I have no idea how or if to communicate any of that, or how to remedy the problem. I try to just be there for her and help her along, but after hearing the same excuses day in and day out it's exhausting at times. After a while it's seems to do more hurt than good on my psyche if I try to help-- and I'm a girl that lives for helping people.

At any rate, apologies for the rant or whatever you'd like to call it. I know we don't get to pick our families, and mine just happened to be riddled with a host of problems so deeply rooted that cycles persist and some people just never change. It's not like me to be pessimistic or give up, but how do you connect with people and motivate them to change after they've seen their behavior is counterproductive over and again?

Hoping to be able to solve this riddle at some point. Ah well.

After all of that depressing nonsense, I hope you all are having a great day. haha.

3 Responses to “Credit Score and Family Stuff”

  1. laura Says:
    1352407886


    Re: Family stuff. As long as you understand where you're coming from, it makes it easier to go forward. Smile Sometimes those decisions aren't the easiest for those from where we originally came from to accept. I've given lots of thought to issues like this lately (coming from figuring out why I'm so sensitive to some things and not others). I've concluded that it is best to stop with the comparing I do of myself to others; only harms me in the long run. I'm OK the way that I am. I am not unhappy and I don't really need the approval of others. It helps if people are supportive, but if not, it really shouldn't impact what we do. I guess I'm talking about having a husband returning to school for pastoral counseling and becoming a Deacon - a long road and we've got a family that's still young (5 kids from 14-8). Ultimately, we're doing what we feel we were called to do. I've had a hard time sharing this with some people, because they don't get it. And then there are those who think they're being supportive but come up with stupid things to say. Smile As long as you don't fade completely from where you came from, I think you're OK. (hugs)

  2. Jenn Says:
    1352410888

    You are mature for your age! While it's true that you can't choose your family, once you become an adult, you do choose the people that surround you. And you can certainly love family without getting into the middle of the dysfunction.

    Good luck on finding inspiring and like-minded role models to support you. You deserve that.

  3. Tara Dawn Says:
    1352493467

    Thanks for the support from both of you! It's always nice to have Smile

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