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Lunch with Brother

November 10th, 2014 at 01:11 pm

As predicted, yesterday was a no-spend. Woop woop! It was also one of the more productive days I've had in a while. Did the dishes, got our laundry done, emails answered, a blog post written, and got 2 client galleries up and sent out. You would be surprised at how much of a photographer's time is just administrative work and downloading/sorting/resizing/uploading files.

I'm still pretty far behind, but at least I was able to catch up a little.

Had dinner at our friends' house, so that was really nice. I love it when I don't even have to cook! Tonight I'll be making a pork loin I bought at the market with some mashed potatoes, and those same friends will be over at our place for dinner instead.

Yesterday I also took a look at my cable bill - and for some reason, they decided to double the speed of our internet and tack on another $20. So I'll be on the phone with them today getting that changed, and getting rid of our cable package (we really just got it to watch the World Cup coverage over the summer).

***

Today, I'm driving about an hour south to go see my brother for the first time in probably 4 or 5 years. I wish I could say I'm looking forward to it. But the relationship I have with my family (and frankly, all of the relationships between all members) is quirky at best, and something I struggle with. Brother has paranoid schizophrenia, and has been in and out of jail for several years now. According to mom, he's been on his meds (which is fantastic) - but even so, I can't say we share a lot in common. Spending time with him usually results in some combination of awkwardness and guilt for not reaching out to him enough. Honestly, though, it's one of those situations where there are no winners. And I have so much going on in my life that I don't have the time or energy to devote to an illness that requires a lot of time and patience.

Even typing that, I feel like I'm a cold and distant person. But I've watched family members hold back others that really had a lot of potential. They say that in adulthood you have the opportunity to (and should) surround yourself with people that inspire and motivate you to be a better person. I'm in a very different place than much of my family. I don't think I'm better than them in any way. They are all unique, caring people - but I can't handle the drama, the immaturity, or the various drug and/or psychological problems. So I choose to spend time with them in small bits, and sparingly.

That being said, I'm happy that my brother took the initiative to reach out, and that he wants to pursue a relationship. I'll be there for him in the small capacity I can be. And I do sincerely hope that our lunch date is enjoyable and helps him feel grounded and supported. I'm looking forward to seeing him, but walking into it curious of how it will go, and how much our conversation will be rooted in reality. It's a weird, messy bunch of emotions. But I'm sure we'll both come out of it better people.

***

So beyond the lengthy explanation, I'll be spending today on lunch with Brother and probably gas. I think I might swing by the library this morning and grab an audiobook for the drive. Gotta love the library!

At any rate, sorry for the rambling. And have an awesome day!

3 Responses to “Lunch with Brother”

  1. creditcardfree Says:
    1415625591

    Hope the lunch date goes as well as it can!

  2. CB in the City Says:
    1415627232

    I totally understand. My family is somewhat dysfunctional, too -- different issues, but still there. As we've all grown older, we communicate rarely and get together only for Thanksgiving, and for weddings and funerals. I have started a closer relationship to my brother (but we are the normal ones!) But for the most part I thrive better with my my own kids and grandkids and my friends.

  3. laura Says:
    1415630572


    I hope the get-together with your brother gets you guys on a road to a good place. First step sounds promising. Keep expectations low. I've got my own tenuous (at best) relationship with my biological father. I definitely function better with him at a minimum. And I talk to him twice a year, haven't seen him in four or five years.

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